For the ones who have never heard of the concept of face, let me break it down for you briefly. Saving ‘’face’’ and losing ‘’face’’ is an essential part of many Asian cultures.
‘’Face’’ in this context means social standing and reputation which hold a high rank in the lives in the East.
From generation to generation, this concept is rolled out as a bright red thread that guides youngsters to be humble and discreet. By the time they turned into parents themselves, they too roll out the same red thread to their children, following the same patterns that have been passed down ages ago. It’s the heritage of each Asian offspring.
I was one of those kids playing and wandering around until I too saw the same red thread. The color popped out from afar and tempted me to go after it.
Once I picked it up off the ground, the thread tied around my hand and made a knot so tight that made it impossible for me to untie it.
Where I first could walk freely, the thread pulled me away the second it sensed any risk that I would lose my face or worse; making someone else loses their face.
The constant pulling caused more than only the painful imprints of the thread around my wrist. Mostly, it caused pain from within; emotional pain.
I’ve learned to behave within the space that the thread has created for me.
Somehow, I’ve always felt restrained by the small spaces and got trouble breathing out any emotion that would break the red thread that was treasured deeply within the family. It was our own responsibility to swallow anything that could bring discomfort in the family reputation when we break our own reputation at first. So, when we breathe in any obstacle that we come across, we would swallow it and not knowing that it would slowly melt into our body. Then, it would turn us insecure each passing day when it stays unresolved and unspoken.
The red thread didn’t guide me to a safe place where I could have heart-to-hearts. It didn’t guide me to comforting shoulders to cry on when the flood of tears streamed down my face. It didn’t guide me to places where I could learn and make mistakes.
It didn’t guide me to places where I could comfortably express on the spot without calculating in advance if it was appropriate or not.
Instead, it was quite a task to live around this red thread.
Many times, it felt like I was walking on the thin thread. Scared to death that I would fall off, I became overly careful with each step which turned me into an overly discreet and anxious person. Others, especially inside our community, didn’t view me as a hero just because I saved so many faces on endless occasions. It was the normal thing to do and not an exception where you would receive praises and ‘’I’m proud of you’’ speeches.
On the contrary, encouraging words and emotional bonding is not existent in our culture.
We may save face and keep a reputation but lose so much more in return.
We may save face but lose the emotional support of loved ones because of the fact that no one dares to talk about their feelings, and therefore not knowing how to respond to it once someone tries to open up about it.
We may save face but lose the ability to express.
We may save face but lose a sense of being.
We may come across as a put together and accomplished person but losing touch with what’s really going on with ourselves.
Maybe it’s about time to change the thread for the sake of our future generations and set our egos aside.
Instead of saving face, we should emphasize more on the real face behind the mask that we have built to protect ourselves.
We shouldn’t be afraid of losing any reputation when it is based on how others view us. We should open up more to get a better understanding between generations and not keeping silent for things that need to be said and things that need to be felt.
From the girl who rambles through life
ramblesbykim.wordpress.com 