Travel won’t cure your mind but it can change the way you think

I used to be that person who will walk away in the middle of a fight or even during a heated discussion because I couldn’t stand how uncomfortable confrontation made me feel. Time after time, I would find a way to escape anything that makes me feel uncomfortable. It has become a habit of mine that I would still pull off every now and then. Over time, I have learned little by little how to handle situations that require me to take a good look at myself first instead of running away from my encounters.

Four months ago, I pulled this trick again – I escaped. I wanted to leave behind the place where everything bad happened to me. I wanted to forget those who did wrong to me – so I stepped onto the plane and flew to the other side of the world. For weeks, my adventurous hunger got fed by visiting new places and meeting new people. Everywhere I turn was something new. Everywhere I went turned into a new memory. For months, I kept myself busy and distracted by working, traveling and more working and just being ‘’on’’ all the time. Why?

Because I made a promise to myself, which is that I would finally be at peace once I have set foot in this new place I was constantly daydreaming about.

But honestly, who am I kidding? Who would think that my worries will magically turn into ashes when I go to another continent? Don’t get me wrong, I love traveling, it sets my heart on fire but it shouldn’t be a tool for use by escaping my problems. Because the truth is, where ever you go – you will meet toxic people.

Where ever you go – life will still throw shit at you.

No matter how many people I have met along the way, my mind still long for the ones I have left behind. This all made me think that not only bad things happened back at home, but countless irreplaceable memories as well. True, I have had my portion of bad luck but there are still people back at home, always rooting for me. Even when I’m not physically together with them, I know that they are supporting my every move and every decision.

Travel won’t cure your mind, but it can change the way you think.

To be honest, I feel ashamed and sorry towards those back at home that I have taken for granted for – while in the meantime I was longing to escape to this place, which is far far away from where I come from, to find out later on that everything that I needed was already in front of me. And everything that I thought I would need, was indeed not what I was looking for. The friggin’ irony.

I always have had the ability to cure my own mind. No amount of traveling or anything else can do that for me. Only myself.
Still, I don’t regret coming all the way here by myself to find out that no matter where I go – when you view the world in negatives, you will attract negativity. And the final place to find peace?

It is to create it within myself, surrounded by my favorite people.

From the girl who rambles through life 

Blaming other has always been easier than to look at yourself first

One of the many characteristics that distinguish people I like and people I rather not see once a year is a moment that reveals how they react to stress and pressure, especially when nothing goes right. Within a fraction of a second, I just know if I can see myself spending time with them.

The best kind of people, in my opinion, look at themselves first when something goes wrong (and I’m not talking about things that happen out of their control, obviously) They will do some self-reflection before pointing their finger to anyone else. They will admit to their own mistakes when they find out that they were the reason of the aftermath. This requires a good portion of mental strength to let go of pride and view the situation as objectively as possible. I salute those who live this way, it takes a special kind of strength to be able to do that. These are the ones I look up to and can learn from.

Needless to say, those who act like nothing ever is their fault baffled me. I mean, huge ego much?

Those who haven’t developed enough mental strength is guilty of this toxic behavior.

Blaming others has always been easier than to take a good look at yourself. These are the ones having too much pride, for absolutely nothing!

I believe a situation always, always has two sides or even more than that. It is never entirely the fault of one person (except for some extreme cases like murder, but you get me) So, if more people can think like this, we would be able to solve heating discussions or confrontations more effective and in a more compassionate way.

We always tend to make the easiest choices that benefit us the most.

But the true heroes are the ones who own up to their own mistakes and grow from it.

So do some self-reflection every now and then, who knows, you may grow.

From the girl who rambles through life

The moment I knew I needed to keep writing

It was July 2017, exactly a year ago.

I was heading into a better place. Soaking more vitamin D in as I got out more often to show my face in the natural lighting. There was still a lot I needed to work on myself. But for the time being, I – indeed – got out the limbo. Feeling almost optimistic, got a smell of hope again, almost got a taste of it. Almost.
Then, someone ripped it in front of me and threw it as confetti in my face, like a celebration. Obviously to mock me.

Obviously, I got upset. Anger raging inside of me. Wanted to scream and throw glassware for the dramatic factor. But even I surprised myself when I reacted far more mature than I expected. To no longer let you hang at the edge of the chair;

I got fired by, basically, the things I have written on this blog.

It was a moment of a lot of emotions at the same time; confused, mistreated and betrayed. But it was also the moment that hit me hard as a writer.

I realized my writings had an impact. Actual impact.
A negative impact to be precise; the-slap-in-my-face-when-I-didn’t-pay-attention to be precise. Or more like a punch in my stomach when I was in the middle of a lovely supper. But still an impact it is.

You get the picture.

It didn’t matter because all that mattered was that I have touched someone with my words, my voice. My emotions and feelings got acknowledged in a shitty form of a punishment, but the best part of it was that it was never about someone in the first place. Instead, it was always about helping myself and others to understand, reflect, and relate. And it did big time. Though it escalated in an ugly fight, which made me think that we all have difficulty to look at ourselves first before blaming someone else. It made me realize that we have a hard time to confront ourselves and admit that we, first most, need to work on ourselves.

How hard it is to admit for that particular person. She thought I wrote about her because she felt related to the piece. She felt exposed and insulted. But the truth was and is still:

It was never about a particular person.

It was the moment I knew I need to keep writing, not to lure people in for a fight but to make people dig deeper into themselves. To make them understand themselves and the world around them better. And that’s what I’m doing too – every time when I write.

And that makes me realize too – that I will keep writing for a very, very long time because I’m sure none of this makes sense and all of us don’t make sense as well.
Still, I want to give this a shot by voicing my own perspective and hope I can reach some of you on the way, and by doing so, shaping my own understanding towards this craziness we are living in.

From the girl who rambles through life