6 Things I Learned From My Asian Parents

The concept of success is up to ourselves to fill in

For the longest of time, I thought that there was only one definition of the word success. Which means to study hard, get a prestige job and earn tons of money. I thought it was what everything thought that it was the way to become a successful person. When you are raised by parents who put work on the first place, it becomes natural that you inherit the same train of thoughts that you unconsciously will put into practice. To live years after years chasing achievement after achievement in an attempt to earn your parent’s approval is not being a successful person. I clung so hard to try to earn their approval that I did everything I can to walk the successful path. But instead, I ended up miserable and felt lost about my own identity. Only when I realize that my parent’s values and norms don’t have to automatically be mine as well, that I start to learn that the concept of success is up to no one to decide, but only yourself. Success through my eyes couldn’t be any more different than my parents.

Expressing feelings of hurt doesn’t make you a weak person

I came from a household where we put anything underneath the table which makes us uncomfortable. We hold feelings in and gulped down the tears when we feel the urge to cry. Because crying is considered a sign of weakness. Growing up around my parent’s composed facades put pressure on me to be composed as well. I wanted to be strong as well, I wanted them to think I’m strong as well. Even if I did successfully restrained my feelings of hurt or tucking away the need for a listening ear, it didn’t feel quite right. It felt like I was living a double life and that my parents didn’t know who I really am. Everything felt fake and pretended as if I’m not actually living life but constructing a cookie-cutter life in which everything seemed perfect. Expressing feelings is what makes life worth to live. It is what makes us vulnerable towards each other to truly connect with one another. The ones who aren’t afraid to voice their struggles aren’t weak. On the contrary, people who express their feelings are really the strong ones.

There are different ways to show love

Unlike the movies where parents hug their children or kiss them goodbye before going to school or simply saying ‘’I love you’’ to each other, my parents showed their love for their family through food. Asking ‘’have you eaten?’’ is a way to show that they care. Birthdays were celebrated with tons of food and having dinner means having family quality time. I learned that there are many different ways to show that you care or love someone. I learned that tough love is also love and that there isn’t one correct way to show love.

You are not an extension of your parents

Even if you are the child of your parents doesn’t automatically mean that you are an extension of them. Parents are here to guide and to help, but eventually, we are our own person. We are individuals with our own dreams. We have our own things we like to do. Parents can’t mold you into a mini version of themselves that they have in mind. We are brought into this world to live a life we create for ourselves and not obey everything that our parents want us to do. Sometimes it feels more like a duty to be a daughter instead of growing into a person that I will be proud of when I look into a mirror. It takes time and courage to break free from the role I got the moment I was born into this world.

Mental health is just as important as physical health

Mental health is a non-existent topic in the household that I grew up with. Even when watching movies where characters struggled with mental illness, my parents would easily put a label on them as ‘’crazy’’. They think you should be positive at all times and that you shouldn’t think back about bad experiences that you might have had in the past to make yourself feel depressed. Their generation didn’t learn much about mental health and viewed it as a ‘’unnecessary’’ state that someone is having. Growing up, my parents made sure I ate enough fruits and well-balanced meals throughout the days, which is something I’m grateful for. But it’s during the later years that I discovered myself that mental health is a real thing and is just as important as physical health. I learned that having a healthy body means nothing when our mind is ill. I learned that balance is the key to truly live a life where anything is possible to speak about, free from judgment and fear.

Thinking before speaking 

This largely has to do with our culture. Saving face makes up a big part of our culture. Which means honesty is not always appreciated in certain circumstances. I learned that sometimes it is better to tell things someone wants to hear instead of being honest. Through this way, I learned to observe situations and people first, I learned to think before I speak. And all in all, I learned to be aware of how I come across, what things come out my mouth and what I can do better the next time around when I have hurt someone through my actions and words.

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From the girl who rambles through life 

 

 

 

Sisters

Sisters

Who can’t live without them?

I have always been surrounded by women since the day I was born. It already started when I grew up with three sisters besides me. Each of them has a whole different personality even though we have lots of similarities in a way or another, which makes it even more interesting to be around each other.

But there is one thing for sure we all have in common, which is that we are all incredibly strong in our own way. As soon as I got older, our age gap becomes smaller in which I get to know them in a whole another light. I always have looked up to my sisters for they all work really hard for the things they find important and never really have turned into the kind of people I wanted to throw out my life. When I heard how other siblings treat each other or has practically a nonexistent bond, then I can proudly pat myself on the shoulder that this scenario will never happen to us.

Sisters

It’s a rare bond no one else can mimick because it is one of a kind. When one of us accomplish something, we are proud of each other instead of hiding behind a mask of jealousy. We are each others supporters for life even though the rest of the world may want to take us down or when other women treat us badly. We all have our own insecurities but we don’t let that define us. We can make jokes without nuance and not be afraid to have offended one another.

Even though it’s kind of a misfortune to have girls in our culture, I’m glad we are not living up to that picture. I’m glad we can stand strong on both feet and be proud to be a woman and not to feel ashamed that we don’t have any brothers in our household. We are instead living up to our potential with all these necessary obstacles blocking us here and there.

But it’s okay because we have each other.

Sisters

It makes everything just a little bit less difficult.

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From the girl who rambles through life

A stranger turned into family

Home is not a fixed place nor a house. It’s the people where I can find comfort in. It is everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

Home is untouchable.

It is a feeling rousing through our veins once we feel in synch with the people close to us.

We often associate home with family. Because, how can there be such a thing as a home without a family in it? Everyone will agree with me that family is bonded mostly by blood. But it doesn’t mean there aren’t more factors which can connect us as a family. Let it be simply love for each other in a way you would take care of each other like a family member, even though you don’t carry the same blood inside you.

These people, bonded by choice, started off as complete strangers to us.

Once upon a time, we were living our life without them, not knowing how great of a bond you will create in the midst of the ever moving world. They even might have crossed our path before we actually have gotten in touch with them. Most strangers turned into acquaintances and mostly stay in that league, where we allow some of them to spend time with us as friends.

In this vast sea of population, you would be very lucky to meet a stranger who will turn into family in the end.

I could say I’m really lucky then. We are luckily not bonded by blood. Otherwise that would mean I’m dating an actual family member, which is not my cup of tea. Obviously.
We were acquaintances for a very long time, and I believed we would stay so for the rest of our lives. Fortunately I took a leap of faith and we soon became girlfriend and boyfriend. But that’s not the best of it. We became even closer as friends as we made fun of each other every single time when we had the chance. Sharing inside jokes and having telepathic conversations where silences between us can make us laugh out loud. And when the sun has set, we would lay under a single blanket fighting throughout the night over who has more blanket. I would force him to stay awake and talk some more. And as we lay there talking, his voice reminded me once more of why I wished for so long that we could be more than mere acquaintances. Our conversations reminded me why I could tell him my deepest thoughts and beliefs.

During these moments, I could swear I could touch the love in the air.

In the last couple of years, I found myself seeking him out whenever I needed comfort. I found myself unapologetic about being my bare self to him, without trying to impress him or to prove to him that I’m worthy of his time and attention.

Because he became family. My family. 

He was a stranger who turned into family. I am home at last.

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From the girl who rambles through life