From the bottom of my heart, thank you

Thank you. 

Lately, I have been saying these two simple words to lots of people, but I still feel like it isn’t enough to show my gratitude to those who have reached out to me via my writings. Why do I make such a big deal out of it and write a whole blog post about it?

Because you have acknowledged me without me seeking for it. 

Yes, acknowledgment. Something that was always on the top of my wishlist, any day of the year. Something that I have been craving for all my life. Something that I have been trying to get from too many people around me: my parents, my peers, my boyfriend and anyone I looked up to.

It was never enough as if I was high on drugs and couldn’t withdraw myself from it.

So, I stopped hoping for validation from others because it came from a self-serving desire that spiraled down into self-destruction. I only wanted to hear praise so I could feed my bottomless ego and convince myself that I wasn’t a good-for-nothing daughter, friend, and girlfriend. Running around in circles to try to please everyone and keep everyone satisfied, I have neglected myself to the point that I ran wherever I sense I could get some acknowledgment, turning me so dizzy that I lost direction of where to go or stand.

Only when I started to work on myself without thinking about how others would view me, the rest followed naturally. I started to work on my craft as a writer and just like a broken faucet, my thoughts kept streaming out. Sometimes ice cold thoughts where I would let the coldness of my rants cut through the paper, sometimes lukewarm thoughts where my fuzzy love stories lead to a lot of ”awws” responses and sometimes scorching hot thoughts where my lack of sugar-coated opinions would make others uncomfortable or even offended. Those thoughts where others would first observe carefully before diving into the intimidating heat.

It was precisely those moments when I was too busy working on myself and didn’t pay attention to other people, that I could let go of my desire to fit in or to be liked by others. When I started to write like a maniac, I found out about the roots of my behavior and my unhealthy desires and expectations of others.

As I slowly was increasing my word count thought by thought, I started to learn the importance of knowing oneself and the authenticity behind it.

And not only did I agree on that, but many agreed upon it too by reaching out to me. Not only did they voluntarily read my writings without me asking for it, but they also understood what I’m trying to say. They understood my messages that I wanted to share with the rest of the world.

You have acknowledged me in the purest form by reading my thoughts and actually understanding it.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. 

Thank you for reaching out to me.

Thank you for letting me know that you understood what I’m trying to express on paper.

It means the world to me.

From the girl who rambles through life